The secret’s out. I did not like this movie.

I’m a pretty laid back guy when it comes to movies. I turn my brain off and just watch. I don’t try to figure out who the killer is or analyze performances. I just want to see a good movie. Unfortunately this wasn’t what I got when I went to the theater.

I don’t want to hit you with a bunch of spoilers, but if you want to know my problems with the flick, here’s a few.

  • I don’t buy Tony’s plan. There wasn’t enough there to convince me that the man we’ve seen for four movies is now the kind of guy that would go this route.
  • Double so for a guy who fears losing control, Dr. Banner.
  • Black Widow had her legs knocked out from under her. She went from awesome Avenger to badass top tier in Winter Soldier. Now she’s Hawkeye level, if not worse.
  • The movie doesn’t know how to pull off a dramatic scene without going for a joke. In the first movie, the sight of a raged-out Hulk threw anyone who faced him into a panic. Tony looks like he’s talking to an angry janitor instead of a walking atomic bomb. I know he’s supposed to be Mr. Who-Gives-A-Shit but it undersells the Hulk by a large margin to have Tony yawn his way through a fight making jokes.
  • Hawkeye was even more worthless than usual. They really tried to make him worse than before. Good job.
  • The end fight is the same as the first Avengers: the city is under attack by robots while the villain flies around like a dipshit. In the first movie they were aliens, I know. Alien robots.
  • Ultron’s story is generic and put into fast-forward. So basically there’s no reason he should be as pissed as he is. It’s just that we’ve seen this story so many times we don’t even think about how full of holes it is.
  • TONY AND BANNER YOU’RE GOING FOR IT AGAIN? ARE YOU SERIOUS? Oh, it’s ok Thor had a bath earlier.
  • Hulk’s last scene is ridiculously hilarious, and Black Widow’s last scenes are sad.

I’ve got more but I’ve already offended half my readership. I hope others liked it of course! I’m not saying everything I said is objective truth. Just what the movie was for me. I’d hold out hope for the next Marvel movie, but I’ve seen the trailer for Ant-Man, and that’s some strong Matinee action at best.